A house without Nen

For the first time since I was pregnant, I'm the only person in the house. In the summer of 2003 you had to take a few trips on your own for medical reasons. I hated being alone. At first I was scared, then I overcame my irrational fears, but I still didn't enjoy being by myself. I missed you.

Since Nen was born, the three of us were always, always under the same roof, either home or on vacation. Then you left for the hospital, and then simply left... against your will. Home meant Nen and I.

Today Nen left for Spain (I'll go later this summer). So for the first time in six years, I'm alone. As I was driving today, I remembered how hard it was to take care of Nen in the first days after you left us. He was only two and I simply didn't know how to enjoy him without you. Now I understand what a blessing it was to have him. I could feel sad, but not lonely. Tonight I feel lonely.